Terebi

Japanese TV is so fucking retarded. I just had to get that off my chest. Every time I've turned it on I am astounded at whats on. If its not the stupid eating shows that Anthony has so elequently called out, its even worse. Last week I was bored and what did I see but a show about "hey what completely fucking retarded stuff that no one would waste their time thinking about can we come up to do with everyday items?" First, someone was like look, its just a normal 2L bottle! But watch! (everyone else on the studio stage goes eee?) Just by squeezing the sides a bit, I can suck up this egg yolk into the bottle and drop it on some rice! (Everyone else on stage goes uwaaaaaaa! and starts clapping) Next, a guy is like look! I cut across this carrot! And now, I can scale this fish with the cut edge! That one was too much even for one of the guys getting paid to think it was amazing, because he was like wait, I can do that with my finger. Then he did. He pushed some fish scales around with his finger. It was on TV. Yeah I turned it off after that. But now, Im bored and trying to do laundry, and its even worse. Im flipping around and see the studio people start clapping as some guy comes out of a dark entryway. Its just a dumbass guy in a green tshirt ive never seen before, so I change the channel. I've only got like 8 channels so I was back there pretty fast. And the fucker in the green t shirt was demonstrating how he can open one of those plastic wrapped wet towels by just flicking it with one finger while holding it by one end. Then, the announcer is like "so what is this guys true power?" It turnes out his ability was to fold the hand towels into animals. Only they werent actually anything. Oh man. His "pengin" was just rolled up and folded in half with a corner sticking out. Godzilla was like the exact same thing. When I went on a cruise the fucking maids did a better job. But this guy made a little group and his green T shirt was actually advertising his "art." Jesus. And the entire time Hard Gay was just in the background not being Hard Gay. Plus Beat Takeshi was there watching too. So fucking ridiculous. I think the only requirement to be on Japanese TV is to be able to act interested in people who have wasted their lives. But I did learn that HG has like a gay crush on the fortune teller judge from Iron Chef. AAAARGH. And Pe Yon Joon's japanese sounds just like Ahn Tuans.

After actually sitting down and watching the next guy, who was in his 30s and has been making little robot action figures out of rolled up paper, and then videotaping himself play wrestling two of them together, and then the next guy, who was in his late 60s and just completely fucking out of his mind in a room surroundeb by dumb crap he made, I kinda had a revelation. Maybe it has to do with how proud the Japanese are about their overall national identity, but its like they're very accepting about small personal eccentricities. Like all the old women who dressed up in Hawaiian costumes and danced in front of everyone at the matsuri, not to mention the flamenco, samba, and belly dancers. Or all these people who have spent a whole hell of a lot of time making "art" out of nothing. They interviewed the old guy's wife for a bit, and she was like yeah, I put up with it because it makes him genki. And he certainly fucking was. But its not just that theyre tolerated, they get paraded around and celebrated in public, or put on TV with studio announcer types saying nothing but "uwaaaaa" or "sugeeeeeee." And I don't think its sarcasm either, considering how well sarcasm goes over in general here. The only comparison I can think of in America is stuff like when they bring the "UFO expert" or "psychic" onto the daily show, or the entire first 5 episodes of any American Idol clone. They celebrate (completely retarded) stuff, we point and laugh at how ridiculous it is. I mean, we're right, but it always seems kind of mean.