hey hey, look at that. it did in fact take another month and a half for me to write a new post (I just finished the post from December 20th a couple minutes ago). first off, i never got around to linking in all the pictures that i talked about a couple posts ago. but you can take a look at the gallery of all my pictures of takahagi here . i feel like there's a lot more that i want to share about this town. unfortunately i already have to decide within the next couple weeks whether or not i want to spend another year working and living in takahagi, and its a hell of a question.
here's my daily routine: get up, bike to school (or get driven to kimida) and get there maybe 2 minutes before the first class starts. if i have to teach, then i go to class, and talk with my JTE on the way to figure out what we will do. more often than not, my role in class is to read out of the textbook, wander around the room and help kids as they do worksheets, and occasionally something more interesting. i have lunch with a different class each day, which is mostly eaten in silence, unless the kids are feeling talkative. but really, they barely have enough time to finish all their food in the lunch break, so I cut them some slack. when i don't have class, i sit in the teachers room and attempt to amuse myself, or to do something productive, but usually just end up dozing in my chair. at 4:15 i leave, usually feeling slightly guilty about not attending the basketball practice. (but im gonna start back up with it! really!) after school i usually have some errands to run, and then i go to the gym with tim, get back, eat some food and chill for an hour or two on the internet or with some video games before i go to sleep. on weekends, I will usually meet up with friends in Mito, or, if someone comes up with a good enough reason, I will spend the change (about $60 round trip) and time (at least 2 hours each way) to go into Tokyo.
it might not sound like it from that description, but my job is actually my favorite part of life these days. my job is easy and pretty stress free, if not particularly challenging. overall i really enjoy working with (all but one) of the japanese teachers. and every day one of my kids will end up doing something or saying something to make me smile or laugh. sometimes even on purpose. and when we actually plan out lessons, and they work, i get a huge feeling of satisfaction. the flip side of how easy my job is is that its not particularly fulfilling. however, i know from experience that its mostly because of the lack of work i put into most lessons. as i said, when it works, its a great feeling. but, even when I feel like I have accomplished something in my job, there is still a nagging feeling that I should be doing something more with my life.
I think what I ideally want out of my job is to do something that I enjoy and I feel I am uniquely qualified for. So overall JET gives me half of that, which is better than the last job I had, which gave me neither. one of the things holding me back from truly being fulfilled in my job as an ALT is the sense that I am replaceable. which I am. which is why JET is a temporary position. this feeling stops me from getting everything i need even when I'm thinking to myself "this job is awesome."
and for the past week, I haven't even been liking my job very much at all. unfortunately the A part of ALT stands for assistant, which means that the Japanese teachers we are assigned to work with control a large part of the job experience for us. I feel lucky in that I am perfectly happy and content with 8 of the 9 junior high school teachers I work with. but that last teacher makes me dread work. i realize that much of my frustration and anger at working with her is in no way her fault, but that doesn't stop the situation from making me want to get the fuck out of the country. the worst part is how my frustrations carry over to other people at that school who aren't even involved in teaching english, or the kids themselves.
to add onto that, life outside of the classroom leaves much to be desired as well. the weekday routine isn't bad. going to the gym at least 3 times a week is a pretty good habit to get into. but unfortunately thats basically all I have time to do. the biggest problem with takahagi is its location. being 45 minutes to an hour from the nearest group of people i can hang out with means that i have to invest a serious amount of time just for traveling to and from my destination. so, i can't really go to the gym, then meet up with friends, and then get home. and thats just if i want to go to mito, which is a nice place, but no tokyo. going outside of ibaraki is an even bigger investment, and straight out impossible on a weekday. even on the weekends it means finding a place to stay and paying even more money, or leaving to catch the last train back to takahagi just when things are starting to get fun.
so life is fairly solitary. and isolated. which I have actually been dealing with pretty well. in fact, living by myself was one of the things i was looking forward to doing in japan. not that i havent enjoyed having roommates in the past, but it is very very comforting to come back home and have it be your home, and no one else's. im also finding being single and not looking for any kind of relationship nice. More than just the fact that that this is the longest I've gone without having a girlfriend since soph year of college, this is the first time in a long time when I'm not obsessing or worrying over one girl or another. i like having all that time and mental capacity open once again. But, do I really want my life to just be something I can "deal with?" the past couple weekends I have been going to Tokyo and having a great time. but that train ride back home to ibaraki is hell. more than that, I can tell that the isolation and solitude could get to be more than i can deal with sometime soon. but thank god for the weekends.
ok i basically just vomited up the entire contents of my brain onto my blog space. there's always more to say, but i still need to sort a lot out. i basically wrote this for myself, but if you actually read all this, thanks! i would definitely appreciate any thoughts.
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7 comments:
i think we are all feeling similar things (u, me, angela, other JETs) but the best part of it all, is that yes it's temporary... but if u leave now, you'll never get to come back. whereas, whatever else u want to do with your life you can always continue after 1 more year here. i've decided to stay, so has angela, and i think some of the JETs i've kinda influenced. i had a real slump a few weeks ago, but now it's back up. there will be ups and downs, but in the end i think that once we do finally decide to leave and there's no going back, we'll realize just how much we'll miss what we do, where we live, and hope that we won't have regrets when we're back in the U.S., possibly doing something we hate, or finding that we are on the road to our real dreams. i say stay, then at least we can go to this september's Super GT with good seats, finally. :]
in other words.
STAY BITCH! hahhaa.
Is it possible to be transfered to a different location? A change of scenery could be the ticket. Oh and I think if you are going to stay in Japan you should at least spend some time looking for other options for jobs, you might find something closer to Tokyo that is just as fulfilling but provides you more opportunity for a more exciting life. It is kind of a hassle though, so maybe just sit and play gran turismo until someone else makes a decision for you.
I wonder if a lot of your problems are attributable to any realistic job. I mean we are all somewhat replaceable (at least at this experience level) and of course its difficult to give 100% when most of the work is not truly innovative but rather mundane. That being said, I think you should evaluate the rest of your life. For me personally, if I was feeling alone, that would compel to make a change. I dont know if that means come to America or find another job in Tokyo, but you know that if you come back to Chicago, you will not be alone during the day.
Something else to think about, I know you have a solid group of friends, but going to law school would instantly open up a new social circle like college did. that might be a quick fix to this solitary problem.
I'm biased and think you should come to America, but even if you decide to stay in Japan; I did not get the vibe that you are loving most minutes of your life right now (and if thats the case you should change something)
Bryan, can you transfer to another city? Maybe one that's closer to the fun? Or get a roommate? Or make friends in your city? It seems like even though there are some annoyances, you really like it there, so I would say stay, even though I am your sister and would like you back home.
haha you pretty much summed up every thought i've had in the past year and a half =P (including how nice it is to have my own place and not have any guys occupying my valuable brainspace) and it was good/refreshing to read what almost every JET will end up feeling after about the first week hahahahaha. anyway, i'm just going to say, i DO like the 2nd year a lot more, mainly because friendships/apt/life in general is more settled and comfortable and i know what i'm getting this year and not having to adjust as much. that being said, when everyone was leaving last july/august, i was REALLy ready to hop on the plane with them, and regretted signing on for this second year (i think the snow up here lasting till mid-june will do that to you). i dunno; if there's nothing potentially that you want to pursue or anything concrete for you to do if you go back, maybe staying on JET for another year is worth it, and you just count down the days to nenkyuu or conferences and have a blast during those times. on the other hand, i don't think it would've been TERRIBLe if i had left after one year, but i AM glad i stayed. (and i'm glad i'm leaving for sure after this year hahahhahahaha =P). sorry for puking all my own thoughts out on your blog :) teehee.
I definitely understand what you're thinking; I'm starting to have to think about the same things too. I think overall our jobs are pretty similar, although it sounds like you like yours more than I like mine. It's definitely important to have a good job and a good personal life. Both have to be good, otherwise life overall will suck. If your job is terrible, it doesn't matter how much fun you have on the weekends. In the same way, it doesn't matter how amazing and fulfilling your job is if your off-time blows. It will def be easier for you to increase your personal time, hang out more with people, and such. If you stay in Takahagi and get a car sometime, for example, then you'll have a lot more freedom and won't be so reliant on the trains.
Your job sounds pretty good so far, so if you don't exactly have an idea of what you want to do next (I don't know if any of us really do), either here or back in the US, then it definitely wouldn't be a bad idea to do JET again. I also highly recommend looking around for other jobs in Japan, because maybe you like working in Japan but want to be somewhere more populous, like Tokyo or even Chiba. You could also chance into a job that is fun and more fulfilling, which would be idea. Either way thank goodness we're not sitting in cubicles all day filling out TPS reports.
whatever you choose to do, me and ichikawa will support you. take care, bro.
-bails
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